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Move to blogger is probational

I've switched because I want to [post by email] without paying annual subscription fees a la [LiveJournal].

I know Blogger's features aren't the same, but it supports OpenID for my LJ-based readers. I won't really miss the [threaded discussions] or silly [userpics].

Felt my wings

The vacation in Torpor was not particularly eventful. It rained a lot. I was at a ceremony at a sacred place the other day. There must have been some Good (in both senses of the word) energy there. I could feel my wings. I think I tarnished my halo when I used it as a sex toy. ;) I've been feeling more angelic and less succubal lately. My libido has diminished greatly in the past year. Yeah, I'm getting in touch with that funky Light side.

Most bizarre dream that I can remember to date

I am such a gamer.

I'll spare you the extreme details, but let me share a few nuggets:

- I was facing a fearsome opponent.

- I "saved" (my dream-game), died, and was then returned to the point in time where I had saved.  Twice.  The second death was accidental suicide.  (I had fired the wrong gun and splattered myself with an instant death solution.)

- I used the resources of one of a chain of video gaming stores that was having a going-out-of-business sale.  They actually called me to come over and buy stuff.

- Items that caused "sleep" would have been the most effective against this boss-character-opponent, but the best I could find at the store were items that caused "honesty."  The store had been pretty picked over already.

- I tried to use honesty-inducing air fresheners (the kind one would hang on a rear-view car mirror -- I told you the store was picked over) to bring out my opponent's feelings of remorse, thereby avoiding conflict.  This was only partially effective.


Why hadn't I figured out this was a dream?  I guess I was having too much bizarro-fun.  "Fun" is not the right word, but it did have a strange entertainment quality.  To be honest, it was more fun writing abou tit.


Speaking of tit, I had an orgasm this evening.  I am happy about that.

What I remember before this life

At present, not much.  I have no specific memories.  But, as my new-found sister 

lamialiliane

 reminded me, I have remembered that I am a succubus.  Although it feels less like a memory and more like ... residue.

I can't recall how many times I've been sitting in this new journal, looking at the picture of Kia in my userpic (BTW, the Krakow web-comic is hilarious), and being calmed at the sight.  Her eyes are soft and honest.  Her body -- well, she's a bit too scrawny for my taste.  And, of course, the tail...  a symbol of playful masculinity.  I identify so much with that.

One of my quests is to find a way to retrieve more memories.  Unfortunately, I fear my tendency to be skeptical is too high to make such an effort worth much.  Then again, my skepticism has taken quite a kick in the pants since I started opening up here.  Perhaps this holiday weekend is a good time to try a little something.  

Do the sexy people have any suggestions?

 

What body modifications I want

I don't want anything permanent that's outside the most common human forms (yet).  I'm not planning on getting my ears pointed or permanent fangs or such.  

I guess it's the usual dissatisfaction with one's body.  I want to be sexier, to look more like the kinds of women I admire.  This ties in with my frustrations in my ability to seduce...  more on that later.

At present, I'm doing some heavy electrology.  I have lots of hairs in places I wish I hadn't.  I may end up treating the hirsutism with drugs, too.

I really want to lose some weight.  My exercise routine starts up soon.  It has been suffering somewhat due to LJ.  But LJ has been good for my mood.  I'd really like to avoid buying new clothes just because my old ones don't fit.

As a reward for reaching and sustaining my weight loss goal, I may get breast augmentation.  But I need to first consider more of the risks and longer term costs (i.e., redos).


I have put together some accessories for fancy events and sex play.  The wings got too much in the way.  I need a decent set of fangs.  The costume contacts were fun, but they have expired.

Am I separate from my host? No.

recently asked, "When did you first realize yourself as someone separate from your host?" The basis of the question -- that I had at some point realized that I am separate -- is incorrect, which tells me that I haven't been clear enough on the situation. Regardless, I am grateful to for asking. So, am I separate? I don't think so. The body is undeniably human, including the brain. In my cosmological view, the soul(s) interact with the brain in complex ways. There doesn't seem to be anyone else in this body. The brain is pretty cool; I got a good deal on that. The rest of the body... well, let's just say I'm making some permanent modifications. I have tried looking to see if there were anyone else in this body. On about three occasions, I tried to grant control of the body to "the succubus within". The experiments ran awkwardly with little satisfaction. I think I just wound up temporarily giving more control to my limbic system (the most primitive part of the brain) instead. I did a lot of grunting and glaring. :) As to the timeframe, I ran these experiments within the past 18 months or so. I wonder if my mismatched body-soul predicament is some sort of training exercise, joke, or retribution. Anger does come after Denial, right? :/ I recently ate an entire king-size (105g) Snickers bar. Fast. I wish I hadn't.